One thing that has been constant about my college experience is that it's simply transient. Every year has been different: roommates, friends, callings, boys I've liked, classes, experiences...and the list goes on. I have realized that change is really difficult for me. Although I do thrive from it, the initial experience is bitter. It's after the change has taken place that I see the fruits of change and I am grateful for it.
With all of this change, it can be difficult to find some sort of constant influence in my life. The friends that I thought would always be around have since come and gone (though a choice few have stuck around). However, as much as they were constant at one point in my life, many are no longer my trusted confidantes (not because I don't want them to be but because of circumstances). My family is an exception to this. They have been a steady influence in my life. They have seen me through the dark ages of preteen years, through the obnoxious boy crazy years, to the insecure college student, and through to the amazing RM that I am now (right guys? I am being sarcastic) However, although they are constant, they still have their own lives and I do not expect them to be at my beg and call.
In May I had a breakdown. The constancy of friends that I thought I secured for myself dwindled and I suddenly felt that I had no one that I could really rely on anymore. Needless to say it was difficult and I felt very alone. One day during sacrament meeting I had this epiphany about change and consistency. I don't watch much baseball, but I suddenly thought of Christ as my relief pitcher. I realized that all of us are playing in this game of life and we try so hard to do it ourselves. We try hard to be a good people, to perform our callings, to do well in our professions, to be loving family members and friends. But lets face it...we fail everyday at doing things perfectly. We always come up short. Oftentimes when we come up short, we naturally want to depend on these good friends or family members to get us through the trials of life. However, I have learned and I am still learning that as great as these external people can be in my life, they cannot always be there for me 100% of the time. They will fail my expectations, they will move away, they will get married, they will die, etc...
And then it hit me...
Jesus Christ is the true constant that saves me daily from my shortcomings and faults. It is Him that will relieve me when I simply want to throw in the towel. Sometimes this relief comes in the 9th inning of my day. Sometimes it's the 7th or the 5th, maybe even the 1st. Regardless, Christ is the only person in my life that is constantly there for me. Others may disappoint, but not Jesus Christ. He has a 100% winning streak. He never lets me down...ever. Interestingly enough, I often disappoint Him. I will not always stay constant in my dedication to Him and I can't because I am flawed. But no matter how many times I disappoint Him, He never disappoints me. This is the beauty of the atonement.
Change is constant in all of our lives. As we face hard times and move from one stage to the next, we must remember that we cannot trust in the arm of flesh for a steadying influence (we should be able to put our trust in our spouse, yet they will still come up short); instead it is Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, who is the anchor, who is steadfast, who is the north star, and who is the one that succors us in our time of need.
Jesus Christ is my relief pitcher and He has a 100% winning streak. No one else can do that for me; only Him.
