Just gotta keep putting myself out there

If one of my close friends or family members were to define my personality, I think they'd say, "Susie's outgoing, she's friendly, she's fun..." Maybe they'd say a few other things (she cries a lot, too sensitive for her own good, etc...). Yet, for the most part I think I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky gal. You'd think that with the personality that I have, that I would love being social and out in the "scene." However, I'm discovering as I get out older that there are few times that I really want to get out on the "scene." I've realized that I'd rather hang out with quality people and that that the quantity doesn't matter.

Tonight was one of those nights that being on the "scene" sounded exciting. My ward threw a Halloween party and I looked forward to going all week. I dressed up as a flapper (yeah history) and I thought I looked pretty cute. I feel more adjusted to my new ward now and so I felt fine going by myself as I do have some friends. So I go to the party, I dance a little, I eat a donut. I notice little clique formations on the dance floor so I think, "high school? really?"The people I know say hi to me but it's still at that awkward stage to a degree. I end up asking what their major is...again...because I can't remember what they told me the first two times that I talked to them. I try not to be disappointed when certain people aren't there and the list goes on.

So I have made a realization tonight and this is what I've discovered: half the time I put myself out there, these social events end up being a bust. T0night was kind of a bust. I didn't have a horrible time, I just didn't love it either. But then there are times that I put myself out there, and I LOVE it and I am so glad that I attended the social occasion. So, on nights like these, I tell myself that it's just one party, just one social event, and in the meantime...

I just gotta keep putting myself out there.

One day it'll pay off for good.

"I'm a survivor, I'm not gon give up"...can you hear Destiny's Child??

So today was my first time teaching at a high school ever. I survived! Sure, I have volunteered before, but that's nothing in comparison with managing a class, taking roll, ignoring questions that are inappropriate, giving directions, and making sure these students are actually learning something! Yeah, definitely different than touchy feely Relief Society. My practicum teacher (who is my adviser in this whole pre-student teaching process) warned me that this class would be the class of HE**...so I prepared myself for a horrible time at Lehi High School today. However, I actually had fun. Besides a few students students dissing on BYU football (why I outta...) and not having the desire to complete their school work, the entire time I thought to myself, "hey, I can do this and I can be darn good at this." Oh, I just loved joking around with the students and playing off of their comments that were supposed to throw me off. I did learn very quickly that not everyone loves history and not everyone loves to learn. I think I subconsciously know those things, but in my mind when I think of teaching I think of an ideal classroom where students love to learn and want to contribute to the learning process...WRONG...yah, it's pulling teeth out there! But, I think I have found something besides my "high school talents" (aka...I can sing, I can play basketball, I made the honor roll...) that I'm good at. I can teach! Wow, I have more talents! This is exciting. Stay tuned for more.

p.s. I just found out that I got 100% on my midterm for my Teaching Methods class. Go me.

Rejoice with those that Rejoice

Most of us are familiar with Mosiah 18 in the Book of Mormon (see www.mormon.org). Those who are baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are told that in order to uphold our baptismal covenant we must, "mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort and to be witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places..." (vs. 9) In my life, I feel like I have taken the command to "mourn with those that mourn" pretty seriously. Having faced my own set of trials, I have seen how my empathy for those that face similar trials have blessed their life as well as my own.

One day at church a girl shared with us something she learned in one of her religion classes at BYU. She said something to the affect of, "We need to not only mourn with those that mourn but rejoice with those that rejoice." Although this is not scriptural, I think that the phrase, "rejoice with those that rejoice" is pertinent to our lives. Being at BYU, it is really easy to compare. Especially because most people here are high achievers, talented, and very beautiful. It is easy to compare and sometimes difficult to be happy for those who are successful in ways that I may not be successful in...yet.

If a girl comes in with a shiny diamond ring to church, I know most girls are thinking in the back of their head, "Wow, what a beautiful ring [ok, well sometimes they're ugly]! I want one of those! When is it my turn? When will I find that special someone?" My point in saying this is that it's hard to rejoice with those that rejoice, or be happy for someone when they're happy and you don't have that happiness in your reach...yet.

I think we can all have that mindset. Wow, my neighbor bought a new house, car, ipod, etc...or another person is able to take a grand tour of Europe while you're still stuck in Boondocks, Utah. Or that person gets the job that they want, the man they want, the scholarship they want, the kids they want, the popularity they want, the body they want, and the list can go on.

My reason for talking about this is that this is an acquired skill to rejoice with those that rejoice. I don't even think it's as easy as just saying, "ohhhh, I am SO happy for you" in that annoying voice that we all despise! This is a Christ-like attribute, something that we must pray for. Obtaining this attribute is definitely a work in progress. I have just recognized that I need to do this more. I need to be happy for those who obtain the desires of their heart even if I have not yet obtained mine.

Why should we do this? Christ has asked us to love others and by loving others I believe it also means that we are happy for them when they are happy. By doing this we do not become cynical, pessimistic, or judgmental of other people. By doing this we become more charitable, meaning we are long-suffering in the things that we do not have; waiting patiently upon the Lord. By doing this, it means that when I finally obtain the righteous desires of my heart I am much more compassionate of those who are still waiting for their promised blessings. It means that I am less likely to boast and more likely to be grateful. By doing this, I am that much more qualified to enter the celestial kingdom.

I'm not sure why I wrote this today, but I think mainly to keep me in line and to remember that happiness is a choice that I must make everyday. I hope to choose to rejoice with those that rejoice and that, in turn, people will rejoice when I rejoice.

Heartsong

I am hesitant writing this post because I know that I may be ridiculed. However, I am risking ridicule to share with you all something very funny. A few weeks ago my roommate Erin and I had confession night. We told each other things that we secretly love that we normally don't tell anyone. After a few confessions I said, "Erin, I really love the TV show Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman" and cringed, afraid of ridicule. I should have known better. Erin reacted with a resounding, "I LOVE that show!!!" Ever since that time, we are better friends than ever. First, we found Dr. Quinn on youtube then I registered for a free netflix membership for two weeks. My roommates and I are in Dr. Quinn heaven...I can already hear the ridicule.

Today is my roommate, Satyra's birthday. In honor of her 21st, Erin and I found a Dr. Quinn and Sully picture. We photoshopped Satyra's face over Dr. Quinn's and now she is wrapped in his manly arms. This is her reaction to the photo:

Yeah, hilarious. It was one of the most creative birthday presents I have ever given anyone and all for two bucks!! We all laughed for ten minutes straight. Satyra shows it off like a new baby. Yeah, I've already given myself a pat on the back.

And here's the rest of us (me, Satyra, Erin)...in celebration of her debut with Sully, her heartsong:

Gotta love Dr. Quinn!

D.C. doesn't know what's hitting em'

So I found out last Thursday that I have been accepted to the Washington D.C. student teaching program through BYU. I know, I'm a little delayed in reporting this wonderful news. However, life is busy and it has not occupied my thoughts as much as my next homework assignment that is due.

So, here we will celebrate. HOORAY! I am pretty excited about it actually. There have been 8 of us selected to go. We will live in a penthouse called Crystal Towers right in the heart of D.C. ohhhh. They say that out of all of our BYU housing arrangements, this will be the nicest and it's for a pretty reasonable cost! Not too shabby. We student teachers will teach in one of two schools in the inner city. Yeah, a lot of people are scared for me. I, however, am not. I'll let you know about the fear factor when I get there. Along with teaching history, we will be able to see some sights along the east coast: Harper's Ferry, Gettysburg, Jamestown, etc...it will be great to see these places through the eyes of a history teacher.

In conclusion, I am really psyched about this upcoming adventure. It will be tough, I know. But from past experience, when I do hard things, I am always grateful. Bring on the hard. I can do hard things!

The Mission: Glad I went on one!

A few days ago, Friday to be exact, I went to my mission reunion! The Ashtons (my mission president) have a big red barn in Wallsburg, up near Heber. It is a beautiful piece of country. It was great to reunite with CTWM folk and to see the Ashtons. I felt giddy saying hi to all of my old companions, district leaders, APs, etc...I was reminded, once again, how my mission literally changed my life for the better.

A few days ago, friday to be exact, I went to my mission reunion! The Ashtons (my mission president) have a big red barn in Wallsburg, up near Heber. It is a beautiful piece of country. It was great to reunite with CTWM folk and to see the Ashtons. I felt giddy saying hi to all of my old companions, district leaders, APs, etc...I was reminded, once again, how my mission literally changed my life for the better. (FYI...Above is a picture of me and my greenie, Sister Katie Simpson, one of the best missionaries in the CTWM)


These are some ways I feel like I have been changed forever because of my mission. Feel free to agree/disagree with any of these. (I hope you don't disagree though)

1. I have made some of my best friends on my mission who have taught me some incredibly amazing and incredibly difficult lessons. I am grateful to these friends who are not only fun to be with, but who spiritually uplift me and make me want to be a better person.

2. I understand what charity is...it is so much more than giving away money, liking someone a lot because I know they like me, or smiling at your neighbor who you secretly despise. Charity is not giving away money, but giving away time. Putting the person first over the circumstance. Charity is loving my enemies, yes, this means that they don't like me, they may even hate me. Heaven forbid. Charity is smiling at that person because you have a sincere love for them, even if that love is not reciprocated. In addition, charity is having unconditional love for someone, even when they disappoint you or hurt you. I heard a quote once that has really affected me: "True charity occurs when you stop keeping score." I love that. I am still developing this Christ-like attribute as is everyone else, but I believe my mission gave me a solid foundation of charity.

3. I have a greater eternal perspective of the Lord's plan for me. This means that I have greater trust in Heavenly Father. I know He is aware of me and my righteous desires. I know that everything in my life has a purpose, however small or insignificant it may be. I know that through change and trial, He is my constant. But believe me, I struggle with this a lot still...my "natural man" tendencies come out and I get really impatient for his plan to be revealed. However, even when I do get discouraged, in the back of my mind, I know it will all work out.

4. My love and knowledge for my Savior Jesus Christ has expanded and grown. I realize that it is through His enabling power that I can do all things. He gives me the ability to smile after a nervous breakdown, think about someone else when I want to only think of myself, and to pay that compliment to someone when I am not in the mood to be social. I know that His atonement is real in my life. My mission taught me to rely on it daily; for we could not do the work alone.


There are many more things that I can say about the mission; so many trivial and worldly lessons, like how to follow a map, when to take your shoes off in someone's home and when not to, and how to talk to someone about the Book of Mormon in the dead Canadian winter.

However, I felt like I needed to express my gratitude for serving a mission. I am so glad mission reunion could remind me! Any thoughts, feelings?? Please post!