The Manna Mantra

People! I am determined to read the entire Old Testament. I guess I'll say it: I've never read the entire book of scripture. (You can all gasp now, if you'd like). Anyone else have this OT struggle? Because it is hard for me to get into it. But I think I've figured out the key: you need to read it along with the Sunday School and/or Institute manual, because otherwise you drown in the "begats" and other befuddled symbolism of Isaiah, Psalms, and Leviticus.

Anyway, there are some really neat things to draw upon when it comes to the Old Testament and here's my latest takeaway, or mantra from the scriptures.

Go to Numbers 11. This was one of the times that the Children of Israel complain about the abundance of manna and the lack of meat. The Lord provided manna to them as they wandered in the wilderness but that was never good enough for them. As they say in verse 4, "Who will give us flesh to eat?" Then they go on to say, "we remember the fish which we did eat in Egypt freely, the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick. But now our soul is dried away; there is nothing at all beside this manna, before our eyes."

In other words, they'd rather be slaves again in Egypt so they can devour some melon again. Sheesh.

It's easy to judge their feelings and contempt because we know the end from the beginning. We know that because of their incessant complaining, they wander for 40 years in the wilderness. As I read this account, I'm shouting at the pages:

"People, just be grateful for the manna! Don't complain and you'll reach the promised land in no time. Oh, and by the way, don't worship any more golden calves while you're at it."

It seems so easy-peasy to us because we know what comes next in the story of the Children of Israel. But in my lovely life of mine, I have no idea what comes next. It's easy for me to complain about my own manna because who knows when I'll get to eat the meat. It's easy for me to recall the days when things were plentiful and my own metaphorical meat allowed me to thrive. Retrospect is golden...or deceiving at times.

Essentially, this story has allowed me to reflect on what my current "manna" is. Am I grateful for it? Do I thank the Lord for what he currently gives me? Do I make the best of my manna? Or do I scorn it? Despise it? Cry about it? And complain about it?

I am definitely not insinuating that this constant state of gratitude should be executed with 110% perfection. Because we are not perfect people and I know I have my "woe is me" moments. Honestly, they happen and it's ok, so don't be hard on yourself. However, I am insinuating that being aware of our own "manna" can empower us to "find joy in the journey," "be happy where you're planted," and all of those other cliches that my mother tells me on a very regular basis (and yes...they're true, thanks mom).

So when you're feeling like "the grass is greener on the other side," just remember to be grateful for your manna. Who knows when we will arrive at our own "promised land?" Also here's one thing that I have started believing in; with the help of some scriptures, prophets, and Sister Oaks:  

Our promised land will be that much more promising because of the attitude we choose to embody during our manna moments.

I hope I made sense. I just gave some serious metaphors and parallels...

Operation: No Operation

Here's my 2nd latest mantra...(and also a shout out to my favorite S-Dog, aka Sarah J for inspiring this mantra masterpiece).

It's called Operation: No Operation. In other words, no strategy, no worry, no convincing, no conniving, no planning, no nothing.

And I'm sure by this point, you're figuring out if this is a dating/marriage reference and the answer is yes (duh). Tangent: Sometimes I wonder what I will talk about on this blog once I do get married. Probably breast feeding, swaddling, and getting no sleep...but I digress.

I've realized in my 28 years of singledom--ok 12 years if you count when I started "dating"-- that you just can't play strategy with the Lord. Because I always lose. Life here on earth is not the game of Life. I don't spin a wheel, take 4 steps, miraculously win a graduate degree, then have twins 2 turns later. It doesn't work like that. And I think in my logistically minded brain of mine, I think that if I play it right I can grab the man and knock out a baby within a year. Think again, Suz.

The Lord is constantly teaching me and He humbles me. Because the girl who thought that this situation (the single sitch) would be solved by the time she was 23 is so, totally, wrong.

So, I'm constantly figuring things out. Like, how to not just deal with it but to be happy with life as is (see the above post). You know me by now, I've written dozens of blog posts about these things. And evidently, I'm still trying to learn the same lesson.

For now, I have no operation. And it feels nice not to strategize or to feel like I have to meet social expectations. I can do my thing, follow the spirit, and move forward (yes, my last mantra of "keep moving forward" still rings true to me).

We'll see how long I can stick with this one. But leaving Institute tonight was sure peaceful. Why? Because I had no operation, just pure confidence in myself, and a desire to trust. So I smiled at some men, had a nice one-on-one with a newbie, realized he's probably not that interested (I'm good at reading the signs), but that' ok, because I had no operation in the first place and someday there will be a guy who is SO TOTALLY INTO ME. It'll be grand.

For now, I'm controlling the controllables and THAT is empowering. Go me.

Some much needed validation

It's been a dang hard year. And I survived! But comments like these make it so worth it.  I think I am going to revisit this post again and again in the upcoming school year to remember that the pain is so worth it. Hurrah!

Oh yah, and it's SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh the ironies/moral dillemas of June!!!!

It's been 4-ever since I've written...

And it's mostly because the end of school year is so.dang.busy.

What have I been doing with my life? Well, here I go.

Working, planning, grading, working, attending social events, working, sleeping, sneezing (allegies), taking a breather at the lake, organizing temple committee events (that's my calling), and working, and grading.

Needless to say, it's been BUSY!

But--to go back to the title of my post.

June is a weird, surreal, and bittersweet month. The school year is coming to a close and it's at this point where I am 1. exhausted 2. mentally and physically checked out and 3. nostalgic.

All of a sudden the students who drove me crazy, gave me he**, and told me they hated me, all of a sudden love me. One of those charming students asked me a few days ago, "Ms. Baer, do you teach 12th grade history." No. "Oh, that's too bad. I want to take you."


That same student asked me today, "Ms. Baer, do you have a boyfriend?" No. "Oh, you'd make a good girlfriend. You're so nice."

Yes, and this same student also cursed me out most of the year when I took her phone and emailed her parents about her poor behavior. Isn't it ironic?

Another student who told me that he missed his old history teacher all year told me today that he's going to miss my class. What fickle kids!

June is also full of moral dilemmas. I have to give out final grades and decide if I should pass or fail a student. A senior saw me today and begged me to change her grade so she can graduate. I held firm and said no. I told her straight out that if she had come to class, paid attention in class, and did her work, she would succeed. She didn't do that. She cried and told me off. It's tough. I don't find joy in giving students F's but they get what they earned and I have to abide by that.

Anyway, these are a few random thoughts on a Tuesday afternoon. I am so happy for the summer to almost be here but I can't help but be a bit nostalgic. It's a been my 2nd hardest school year and I've had many moments of "Why do I do this job?" But when all is said and done and the students start to leave, I miss them, and realize that I have grown to love them as crazy and frustrating as they can be.

Oh, June!