The Giving Tree

I won't lie. Tonight I kind of had a break down. Sometimes I feel like I am constantly giving...all the time. I know, you parents out there are thinking, "Suz, you don't even know what it means to give of yourself so completely and selflessly." And you're right, when I'm married and have kids this giving business will go up to a completely different level, but for now I want to just complain for a second.

So...teaching. It's going well. So much better than last year. The kids are better behaved. I'm more organized and "in the know." I feel like I have a better handle on a lot of things. But teaching 9th graders wears me out. I feel like I am always giving.


Examples:

• Here's my apple because you forgot to bring lunch.

• Here's 30 minutes of my prep period so that we can talk about your grade and how your boyfriend (who's freakin' 14) broke up with you.
• Here's a pencil for you since you forgot yours at home.
• Here's my weekend so that I can grade your test corrections because you didn't study for the test.
  
• Here's my sleep so that you can play a fun review game tomorrow.
• Here's my money so that you can buy a metro pass this month so that you can get to school this week.
• Here's my jacket so that you won't be cold in class anymore.
• Here's my sanity so that I can be a prepared and effective teacher.

And the list just goes on...

I know these examples may seem trite, but honestly I just think, "Can you at least appreciate me for all that I give you??" And I guess that's where it starts bugging. I don't mind giving...it's more that I hate feeling like I'm not appreciated for all that I do. Kids that age don't understand and I don't really expect them to, but still the wish is there, albeit idealistic.

Then I am all of a sudden I am called to repentance. Who has given me everything? Who has done so much for me and yet I remain ungrateful? Who has given completely of himself (physically) and continues to give of himself (spiritually)? Who is there for me when I shun him? Who forgives me so easily for my mistakes? Who is quick to show me increased love when I refuse his?

The Savior. He is the ultimate giving tree. And here I am complaining about how my students don't appreciate me. What a lamo I am.

It's been one of those nights. I was upset, bitter, frustrated, outraged even that I have "given so dang much" and within a half an hour I am feeling suddenly humbled by Him who is the ultimate giver of life.

I hope I can remember this lesson tomorrow morning when I am-again-asked to give of myself for another full day of work. I pray I can do it. With his help, I can.