The Manna Mantra

People! I am determined to read the entire Old Testament. I guess I'll say it: I've never read the entire book of scripture. (You can all gasp now, if you'd like). Anyone else have this OT struggle? Because it is hard for me to get into it. But I think I've figured out the key: you need to read it along with the Sunday School and/or Institute manual, because otherwise you drown in the "begats" and other befuddled symbolism of Isaiah, Psalms, and Leviticus.

Anyway, there are some really neat things to draw upon when it comes to the Old Testament and here's my latest takeaway, or mantra from the scriptures.

Go to Numbers 11. This was one of the times that the Children of Israel complain about the abundance of manna and the lack of meat. The Lord provided manna to them as they wandered in the wilderness but that was never good enough for them. As they say in verse 4, "Who will give us flesh to eat?" Then they go on to say, "we remember the fish which we did eat in Egypt freely, the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick. But now our soul is dried away; there is nothing at all beside this manna, before our eyes."

In other words, they'd rather be slaves again in Egypt so they can devour some melon again. Sheesh.

It's easy to judge their feelings and contempt because we know the end from the beginning. We know that because of their incessant complaining, they wander for 40 years in the wilderness. As I read this account, I'm shouting at the pages:

"People, just be grateful for the manna! Don't complain and you'll reach the promised land in no time. Oh, and by the way, don't worship any more golden calves while you're at it."

It seems so easy-peasy to us because we know what comes next in the story of the Children of Israel. But in my lovely life of mine, I have no idea what comes next. It's easy for me to complain about my own manna because who knows when I'll get to eat the meat. It's easy for me to recall the days when things were plentiful and my own metaphorical meat allowed me to thrive. Retrospect is golden...or deceiving at times.

Essentially, this story has allowed me to reflect on what my current "manna" is. Am I grateful for it? Do I thank the Lord for what he currently gives me? Do I make the best of my manna? Or do I scorn it? Despise it? Cry about it? And complain about it?

I am definitely not insinuating that this constant state of gratitude should be executed with 110% perfection. Because we are not perfect people and I know I have my "woe is me" moments. Honestly, they happen and it's ok, so don't be hard on yourself. However, I am insinuating that being aware of our own "manna" can empower us to "find joy in the journey," "be happy where you're planted," and all of those other cliches that my mother tells me on a very regular basis (and yes...they're true, thanks mom).

So when you're feeling like "the grass is greener on the other side," just remember to be grateful for your manna. Who knows when we will arrive at our own "promised land?" Also here's one thing that I have started believing in; with the help of some scriptures, prophets, and Sister Oaks:  

Our promised land will be that much more promising because of the attitude we choose to embody during our manna moments.

I hope I made sense. I just gave some serious metaphors and parallels...

Operation: No Operation

Here's my 2nd latest mantra...(and also a shout out to my favorite S-Dog, aka Sarah J for inspiring this mantra masterpiece).

It's called Operation: No Operation. In other words, no strategy, no worry, no convincing, no conniving, no planning, no nothing.

And I'm sure by this point, you're figuring out if this is a dating/marriage reference and the answer is yes (duh). Tangent: Sometimes I wonder what I will talk about on this blog once I do get married. Probably breast feeding, swaddling, and getting no sleep...but I digress.

I've realized in my 28 years of singledom--ok 12 years if you count when I started "dating"-- that you just can't play strategy with the Lord. Because I always lose. Life here on earth is not the game of Life. I don't spin a wheel, take 4 steps, miraculously win a graduate degree, then have twins 2 turns later. It doesn't work like that. And I think in my logistically minded brain of mine, I think that if I play it right I can grab the man and knock out a baby within a year. Think again, Suz.

The Lord is constantly teaching me and He humbles me. Because the girl who thought that this situation (the single sitch) would be solved by the time she was 23 is so, totally, wrong.

So, I'm constantly figuring things out. Like, how to not just deal with it but to be happy with life as is (see the above post). You know me by now, I've written dozens of blog posts about these things. And evidently, I'm still trying to learn the same lesson.

For now, I have no operation. And it feels nice not to strategize or to feel like I have to meet social expectations. I can do my thing, follow the spirit, and move forward (yes, my last mantra of "keep moving forward" still rings true to me).

We'll see how long I can stick with this one. But leaving Institute tonight was sure peaceful. Why? Because I had no operation, just pure confidence in myself, and a desire to trust. So I smiled at some men, had a nice one-on-one with a newbie, realized he's probably not that interested (I'm good at reading the signs), but that' ok, because I had no operation in the first place and someday there will be a guy who is SO TOTALLY INTO ME. It'll be grand.

For now, I'm controlling the controllables and THAT is empowering. Go me.

Some much needed validation

It's been a dang hard year. And I survived! But comments like these make it so worth it.  I think I am going to revisit this post again and again in the upcoming school year to remember that the pain is so worth it. Hurrah!

Oh yah, and it's SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh the ironies/moral dillemas of June!!!!

It's been 4-ever since I've written...

And it's mostly because the end of school year is so.dang.busy.

What have I been doing with my life? Well, here I go.

Working, planning, grading, working, attending social events, working, sleeping, sneezing (allegies), taking a breather at the lake, organizing temple committee events (that's my calling), and working, and grading.

Needless to say, it's been BUSY!

But--to go back to the title of my post.

June is a weird, surreal, and bittersweet month. The school year is coming to a close and it's at this point where I am 1. exhausted 2. mentally and physically checked out and 3. nostalgic.

All of a sudden the students who drove me crazy, gave me he**, and told me they hated me, all of a sudden love me. One of those charming students asked me a few days ago, "Ms. Baer, do you teach 12th grade history." No. "Oh, that's too bad. I want to take you."


That same student asked me today, "Ms. Baer, do you have a boyfriend?" No. "Oh, you'd make a good girlfriend. You're so nice."

Yes, and this same student also cursed me out most of the year when I took her phone and emailed her parents about her poor behavior. Isn't it ironic?

Another student who told me that he missed his old history teacher all year told me today that he's going to miss my class. What fickle kids!

June is also full of moral dilemmas. I have to give out final grades and decide if I should pass or fail a student. A senior saw me today and begged me to change her grade so she can graduate. I held firm and said no. I told her straight out that if she had come to class, paid attention in class, and did her work, she would succeed. She didn't do that. She cried and told me off. It's tough. I don't find joy in giving students F's but they get what they earned and I have to abide by that.

Anyway, these are a few random thoughts on a Tuesday afternoon. I am so happy for the summer to almost be here but I can't help but be a bit nostalgic. It's a been my 2nd hardest school year and I've had many moments of "Why do I do this job?" But when all is said and done and the students start to leave, I miss them, and realize that I have grown to love them as crazy and frustrating as they can be.

Oh, June!

just keep moving forward.

Here's my latest mantra: KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

It actually developed quite a while ago when I first came to DC as an intern. The bishopric gave a lesson to all of us about following the promptings of the spirit. What I got out of the lesson was that we often "wait to see" what the Lord will reveal to us and then we make a decision based on what the Lord tells us to do. But what if the Lord doesn't tell us anything? Well it's usually because we've failed to act.

He gave an example of a car on a freeway; not knowing if they should exit or to keep going straight on the freeway. Because the car failed to act, they got stuck in that part of the freeway between the off ramp and the freeway. Due to heavy traffic, they were completely stuck; not moving forward at all.

Sometimes I feel so paralyzed by major life decisions or even the lack of major life events. I want to be that passive person that just "waits and sees." Although "wait and see" works for certain situations and I have utilized that thinking method at times, I also feel compelled at this time in my life to keep moving-- to do things that will improve myself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. To stretch myself as a person and to use this time to draw closer to the Lord.

Sure, there are things that I'd like to be different about my current life. But rather than sit and sulk, I must keep moving forward. Who knows what the future holds? Life is not going to escape me and I want to enjoy every minute of it.

Move forward-ho!

"Are we not all mothers?"

I have been thinking about this concept a lot this week. I think with Mother's Day being tomorrow, the birth of a new nephew to the family, and teacher appreciation week, I have contemplated and reflected the role of a righteous mother.

Never in my life have I yearned to be a mother as much as I do now. The desire has always been there, but the desires strengthens each year as I mature. Additionally, I am more able to recognize the amazing women in my life who have had a profound influence on me. My gratitude swells within my heart as I think about the myriads of women who have touched my heart and soul throughout the years.

I think of my own mother: her consistent and steady love. Her reassurance that everything will be ok and to trust. Her laughing at my crazy stories or quips. Her amazing trust in the Lord. Her quiet sense of humor. Her willingness to serve people and to be the peacemaker. I can't watch Fox News without thinking of mom!

I think of my sisters who have mothered me since the day I was born: taking me on outings, writing me notes of encouragement and love, making and buying thoughtful gifts. Heart-to-hearts at Mimi's, in the car, or in the living room of their own homes. Thank you, sisters, for allowing me to partake of mothering by vicariously living through your day-to-day lives as busy moms. I know trials of motherhood are real. I see the difference you make in your families. And you are all amazing mothers.

I think of my wonderful sister-in-laws. They joined our family later but have been great assets to the family in their own, unique way. From loving my brothers, to teaching me new skills, to being strong, righteous mothers who sacrifice for their children and families; I am indeed grateful for their influence and example.  love them and am grateful for their friendship.

I think of my grandmas. I don't remember Grandma Rytting too much. But I know she loved me and that she was selfless. Grandma Baer I was closer to, due to proximity. Her wit, poems, sass, and service remind me that you can be righteous and interesting. I miss my Grandmas.

I think of my young women's leaders--married and not married. Thanks for loving me and valuing me. Thanks for teaching me the ways of the Gospel and putting  up with my boy crazy ways. Thanks for the outings, the young women's lessons--formal or informal--the friendship. Much of your wisdom has stayed with me all of these years.

I think of my teachers who gave me confidence in my abilities, who allowed me to shine, who believed in me, who challenged my thinking, and expanded my horizons. I hope that I can be that way with my own students.

I think of my girlfriends. Past and present roommates, mission companions, visiting teachees and teachers, ward members, and coworkers, and good friends. They inspire me to be a better person. Their strength to do what's right and to live life to the fullest has inspired me to enjoy the journey. They have taught me to be strong. To move forward. To serve. To be happy. To have fun. And to stretch myself. They have comforted me, laughed with me, and hugged me. I am grateful for their friendship.

Like I said, this desire to be a mother is strong. I empathize and appreciate the words of Sherri Dew who wrote the article, "Are We Not All Mothers?" in the October conference of 2001. She said:

For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. Some of us, then, must simply find other ways to mother. And all around us are those who need to be loved and led.

As daughters of our Heavenly Father, and as daughters of Eve, we are all mothers and we have always been mothers. And we each have the responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation. How will our young women learn to live as women of God unless they see what women of God look like, meaning what we wear, watch, and read; how we fill our time and our minds; how we face temptation and uncertainty; where we find true joy; and why modesty and femininity are hallmarks of righteous women? How will our young men learn to value women of God if we don’t show them the virtue of our virtues?

Although I yearn to be a mother now, I cannot doubt that my current mission as a teacher, friend, daughter, roommate, and aunt is vital to my progression in the present. I am grateful that I have opportunities in my own way to "mother" my students. I am grateful for what they teach me. I also adore my nieces and nephews and have loved seeing them grow up over the years. I learn so much from their examples and nature.

Are we not all mothers? Indeed we are. Thank you, women, who have been and are righteous example in my life. May we continue to mother in whatever sphere we are in; for it is a noble and divine calling.

Happy Mother's Day!

Some of the best mothering out there is playing Aunt Susie to these cuties!

Putting some SPRING in my step

Spring in DC is beautiful! Cherry Blossoms, the monuments, historical sites, races---can I say more? Here I am celebrating the beauty of spring (and life) in several different settings:

The beautiful Cherry Blossoms!

A pretty site from the Potomac River

Have to add a jumping picture in there!

Mount Vernon with Kath and Caroline. What a great weekend!

Some more Tidal Basin

Tulips at the LDS temple.

Before the St. Johns and Navy croquet game--31st Annual Tournament in Annapolis

The beauty of the Annapolis, State Capitol Building

The group of us that attended the games---there were men too, note the fun hats and dress. I felt momentarily transported back to the Great Gatsby era.

A mean croquet competition

Running in the "Glo Run" with Kathryn

We are all ready to go!

Dancing the night away after the 5k