Returning to the Motherland

I am heading back to CANADA! I am so excited! I have not visited my mission since I returned 6.5 years ago. It's been way too long. Oh memory lane...

And yes, it's going to be so grand. It's like returning to the Motherland. Although the U.S is technically my "motherland" there is something about Canada that makes me tear up. Of course, my time in Canada was a time that I spent serving the Lord for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (See Mormon.org). This experience changed my life for the better. My understanding of God, my relationship with Christ, an enhanced desire to serve, and the overwhelming love that I felt for so many strangers as I walked the streets of Ontario. No words can describe how much I loved my mission.

In addition to returning to beloved Ontario, I am also going to MONTREAL and QUEBEC CITY! Can you tell how excited I am?!?

Montreal!

Quebec City

The cool thing is I am going by myself, which a few years ago I would never have wanted to do such a thing, but I am so excited to discover these places on my own and have a little adventure. I will definitely be posting about this trip soon, don't you worry.

I love Canada. 

I can't wait to be there again and bask in all of its glory, poutine, mounties, and bagged milk, eh!

I have confidence!

I am obsessed with The Sound of Music.  It's definitely one of my all time favorite movies in the world. Who doesn't love Maria, Edelweiss, I am 16 going on 17,  and, of course,  the dreamy Captain Von Trapp? Yum.

I digress...

But one song I have been singing in my head lately is Maria's infamous "I Have Confidence" song. I love it! Some of my favorite lyrics include:

I've always longed for adventure

To do the things I've never dared

And here I'm facing adventure

Then why am I so scared

And mind me with each step I am more certain

Everything will turn out fine

I have confidence the world can all be mine

They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in confidence alone

Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

This is how I feel right now. I long for adventure. I long to stretch myself and to better myself. I have faith in the future and I feel EMPOWERED to do hard things, to be happy, and to live life to its fullest.

Although I still have my tough moments and, trust me, I have my pity parties and cry fests, I do feel like my eyes, my smile, and my countenance reflect a sense of confidence I have never felt before in my life. 

Where has this come from? I definitely attribute it to God. A few weeks ago I told him that if certain situations in my life can't change, that I would ask instead for him to give me strength and confidence in my present life. I feel confident knowing that God loves me and is aware of my circumstances. And he has totally come through with his promises. I feel a strength beyond my own. 

Additionally, my confidence has come from my determination to live life and to not let my fears and worries hold me back from embracing the woman that I want to become. I don't want any circumstance or person to define my happiness. Ultimately I am choosing to be confident. And you want to know a secret? Sometimes I just fake confidence (especially in social situations) and it works! I am not advocating that anyone here should be fake, but I do believe there is power in optimism and confidence because confidence is contagious! And it shows. Trust me, I've received a lot of compliments about it as of late (Oh and sometimes I'll still go home and cry when I am feeling down, so don't feel like you got to always stay this way because that's not realistic!)

And the more times I tell myself that I can be amazing and do hard things, the more I believe it, and then suddenly my attitude and my actions change.

Guys, I wish I could don my hat and run around Vienna with Maria because seriously, I have confidence in me!!!!!!

Life is grand. 

The end of an era

It's the end of an era! I have lived in the same house with the same roommates for 2.5 years. That's unheard of when it comes to the single life. Allison (below, in red) moved out yesterday. She moved only 10 minutes away, but still, it's the first change to our beloved Grove house in 2.5 years. Crazy times! 

Melissa, Allison, Me, Michele. And Joe being a creeper in the background

This year we have coined as "the year of change." It seems like many of my friends are moving, getting married, getting jobs, heading out west, dating men...all good things of course. But the change is weird. I'm going to be getting used to it this year, I guess.

An end of an era, but the beginning of a new one. New eras are good too. 

A Valentines Day Miracle--4 men and a lady.

I try not to base my worth on my Valentine's Day plans, seeing that I've never had a true valentine on the actual holiday, but I'm also human and it can be frustrating that year after year it's just me and a box of chocolates watching a chick flick. Ok, maybe it's not that bad but needless to say I try to focus on the good and the people I love. 

Valentine's Day this year was good. I had the day off from work because of the snow storm. I worked out, I went on a walk with my friend Kathryn, I took a nap, I wrote some cards to people, people delivered some cute cards and goodies to me, I got to see my roommate Melissa after a 2 month hiatus, I ate Kabob Palace with Allison and crashed Lindsay's house to help Jarilyn pick out her outfit for her date---I felt like I was 16 again, glorious! And I got invited to my friend's house for some cookie making and a movie. Sure, it was a cliche invite but I was grateful nonetheless.

And here comes the miracle. That day I prayed and I said, "Lord. I'm tired of this. I want to feel special today--however it may be--by a man." There were a few more words, but that was the gist of it.

At 8pm Friday night I get a call from my friend, Bryce (below in the plaid shirt) and he says "Susie, come to the E Street Cinema and watch the animated short films with us. So far, you're the only girl." Umm, yes please! I then bail on the chick flick party and am greeted at the door with 4 men. My lucky night! While we joked about an "elimidate"and I flirted incessantly the entire night, I basked in the attention of 4 men. I felt cute, I felt special, I felt funny. It was grand. 

So here we are before the short films. Although I honestly didn't feel like they were that great, the company made up for that!

A Valentine's Day to remember, that's for sure! Oh and God hears our prayers. Remember that!

Happy belated Valentine's Day!

The 2/11 Celebration

Every year around this time I feel a sense of sadness. That's mostly because February reminds me of the loss of my father. This year was especially significant as it marked the 20 year anniversary of his death. Each year on this anniversary I often replay the day's events. I think of the last words I said to my father and my reaction after I found out about his passing. Those memories are so vivid in my mind. It's usually a very sobering day filled with longing and sadness.

This year I wanted to think of his death in a different light and remember his legacy. The first thing I did was I emailed family members and friends of my parents; asking them to send memories of my dad or things that they admired about him! There was a huge response! I ended up collecting about 25 pages of memories. See below.

This is just a screen shot of the beginning of the memory book. I wrote a personal note to my family and then included all of the tributes from friends and family members. It was so good to hear from these people who had experienced life with my father in many different forms. Thank you to those who contributed! The great thing was that I kept all of this from my siblings and my mom so it was a complete surprise! Their response? They loved it. I was quite happy to hear reports of tears. :)

The second thing I did was I sent out an email to friends of mine within the DC area and outside. These friends come from all walks of my life and many know about my dad but many did not know. I told them about the significant anniversary and how I wanted this to be a day of remembrance not a day of morning. For those who were in the area I asked them to meet me at chik-fil-a. Those who couldn't come I just asked that they emailed me back and say hi. I got about 50 responses to my email. It was so good to hear from friends across the nation and to see what they've been up to. I feel blessed with many amazing friendships in my life. 

The other amazing event was that 30 people came to celebrate with me at chik-fil-a that evening of 2/11. It was a huge success!! I couldn't stop smiling and I felt so loved. Many of my friends asked me about my dad, my favorite memories, the things I loved about him, etc. I found it so therapeutic. Everyone deals with death differently but in my own experience I really need to talk about it. I like people to know about this. Here are some pictures from the evening:

Logan, Ryan and I

Blaze and Robert

Allison and Jason

Erika and Savanna

Eric, Scott, Nate, Annette, Sarah, Teresa, Lindsay

Lindsey, Jason, Hannah, Kathryn, Russell

Sean and Sergio

I can't tell you how loved I felt that night. I laughed and cried. I received hugs and compliments. I was able to share with my friends a matter that is close to my heart. It felt so good. What I have learned from this experience is that it's good to be vulnerable. We all have our struggles and I think we often want to hide our insecurities, our failures, and our trials from others to save face. But it's good to be real. Because it not only enables us to be who we really are but it also gives others the chance to serve.

As a result of this experience I want to continue to remember my dad in this manner from this time forward. Of course I'll be sad but I want to view this day with a positive outlook and to focus on the good. 

I want to be someone that my dad would be proud of. And that someone is a girl who is happy, positive, hopeful, loving, and service-oriented...well, at least I'm trying to be.

I was so cute. 

I love you, Dad! I miss you.

Story of my Life #livingthedream

I can't believe I haven't posted our infamous music video yet! This is from my trip to Israel. On New Years Eve we made movies and the last one was this music video to the dreamy boy band, One Direction's, catchy tune of "The Story of My Life." We made the video in 45 minutes, but hey, I think it turned out well. It makes me laugh that we could get that many single adults to participate in what seems like a mutual activity, but that's when we call it "living the dream"...cause if we're not married we might as well look ridiculous. #yolo is right. Enjoy!

http://youtu.be/NEOctqb4JKE

How to survive the polar vortex (according to me)

Note: so the last 2 days haven't been as cold but holy cow, this winter has been freezing!!! Why did I ever leave California?

How to survive the polar vortex (I think that's what they're calling it). 

1. When coming home from work go straight to my bed where the electric blanket is already on, and lie there for at least 20 minutes to warm up while checking social media sites and getting caught up on my news and friends.

2. Give myself a pep talk, get out of bed, put on gym clothes, bundle up, go to gym and work it off.

3. Take a hot shower, put on 5 layers of clothing, make dinner, read my latest book club book (just finished The English Patient), eat dinner.

4. Go back to my bed with the electric blanket, watch reruns or the latest episode of Downton Abbey, do some work (if needed).

5. Climb out of bed to make hot chocolate. Go back to bed to drink hot chocolate, watch more Downton, read a little, and go to sleep...with 7 blankets (including the electric blanket) on top of me.

People--this basically describes all of January. Freakin' polar vortex. When is spring?!?!